Комиссарики (англ. версия, начало ).

 Alexander Komissar

 

 

                 

 

About the author

Alexander Komissar was born in the village of Yantarny, Kaliningrad region. He studied in the city of Armavir, Krasnodar Krai. He served in the Strategic Missile Forces. He graduated from the philological department of the Armavir pedagogical Institute. Worked at a school for juvenile delinquents. During reformation period (known as perestroika) he became an entrepreneur. He writes poems and songs. In the Internet he is known as the author-performer of the Russian chanson. He is the author of the albums "Moscow-Adler", "And the Commissioner is already taking off the belt", "Insure yourself" and "When betrayed".

 

ALEXANDER KOMISSAR

KOMISSARIKI

 

 Alexander Komissarov: poems, 2017

 Ed Pobuzhansky, preface, 2017

 OBRAZ: design, 2017

К 63 Komissar Alexander

Komissariki / Poetic aphorisms. — М.: Publishing

house «OBRAZ», 2017. — 160 с. — (Series «Inspiration»).

UDC 821.161.1-1

BBK 84(2Рос=Рус)6-5

К 63

ISBN 978-5-9909134-3-1

UDC 821.161.1-1

BBK 84(2Рос=Рус)6-5

ISBN 978-5-9909134-3-1

21+

 

EVERYDAY «KOMISSARIKI»

 

         «Komissariki» is an aphorisms book of Alexpander Komissar. Bright, laconic and aphoristic komissariki will be just what is needed for a warm tost in a company of close friends, as well as for a greeting card or a funny motifake.

According to Federal Law (29.12.2000 № 436-FL). Some of the pieces of the collected book contain obscene language. The punctuation of the original has been retained.

          The author’s opinion may not always coincide with the viewpoint of the publishing house. All rights reserved.

The author and performer of Russian chanson Alexander Komissar has issued an unusual book. Under one cover was collected about six hundred short poems-quatrains, called "komissariki".

          Of course, we immediately recall the famous "gariki" by Igor Huberman, who is considered to be the founder of a special genre of satirical miniatures. However, both "gariki" and "komissariki" have common — though far — literary relatives. For example, the great Rubaiyat by Omar Khayyam, real pearls of the Arab-Persian medieval poetry. Or much more close and understandable to us Russian folk chastushki. Or, say, pop satirical couplets (remember the musical duet of Tarapunka and Shtepsel, which were very popular in the Soviet Union?). I am sure that the best miniatures of Alexander Komissar are not inferior to the classic "gariks" in any way neither by the power of the artistic word, nor by the aphoristic expression. Look, for example, at this sparkling “komissarik”:

 

Wealth will not help you get rid of the hassle,

But will make your life somehow more pleasant:

Yesterday you were looking for a penny for soda,

Today’s pain is choosing a tuning for Toyota.

 

Snarky, witty and perky "komissariki" cover the most important life issues. Life and death, good and evil, truth and lies, virtue and vice, love and hatred, valour and cowardice, nobility and meanness.

 

 

         The satirical poet boldly pushes the boundaries of what is allowed, using all the colors from the rich palette of his mother tongue. Of course, the ironic poems of Alexander Komissar should not be taken as categorical philosophical wisdom. Moreover, some of the "komissariki" may seem somewhat superficial, controversial, they can cause the reader a keen desire to object to the author. That's normal. The author of " komissariki "makes no claims, he simply shares with readers his unassuming thoughts "on the subject of". And there are plenty of objects —our daily life is rich in them.

 

Hero is not who orates,

But hero is, who plays cards well

Who identifies scale and understands -

It’s ridiculous to beat flies with howitzers.

 

It is hoped that this book will find its grateful readers who will quote it here and there. Bright, laconic and aphoristic komissariki will be just what is needed for a warm tost in a company of close friends, as well as for a greeting card or a funny motifake. What is more, you can tell fortunes by the book. Give it a try. Make up with any number (up to 585) and read the poem under this number ... Well, how was it?.. Alexander Komissar hits the target.

Ed Pobuzhansky, poet,

editor-in-chief of the publishing house Obraz

 

 

 

1.

If someone purses his mouth, 
Poke him in the belly. 
In a blink of an eye he will smile, 
And pride will fade away. 
2

Anyone who reached the top not by himself 
Will stumble and slip down. 
My friend, with the help of other men’s deeds 
There’s no way to lope the sky.

3

No, I don’t want anything,

Only people to see me as unique.

What am I doing in this shit?

And till my death I’m not able to change anything.

4

Where equality is sought,

The best is being forgotten.

And where ambitions are honoured,

Neglections step forward.

5

What drives us? What's the worst thing about darkness?

What's more dangerous than sack-trees?

Spiritual pride, pride of mind,

Pride of success and glory alined.

6

You think you're at the beginning of an era.

You're neither in the beginning of it nor the end.

You’re always in the middle of nowhere.

With a stupid interrogation on your pan.

7

No matter how much is given to a beggar,

He won’t get a bit richer:

Squanders he or he will sell it,

Or drink it all with fritters.

8

The poor are the most generous people —

They always have nothing to share,

The burden of not given back debts

Doesn’t cut off their heads.

9

And has it ever been in world,

That everyone was satisfied with life?

And surely breath is always caught,

When something falls down in the sky.

10

Rejoice in wealth, a poor man,

Let all hear the cry of victory!

Since there are no rich people nearby,

You don't see your poverty.

11

Wealth will not help you get rid of the hassle,

But will make your life somehow more pleasant:

Yesterday you were looking for a penny for soda,

Today’s pain is choosing a tuning for Toyota.

12

Everyone always has an equal start.

Alas, the finish is also the same.

With the difference: one’s pocket is fat,

The other one’s is tattered.

13

If living in need is so bad,

There is no need to live in need.

But do not judge a sucker

With his porridge on water.

14

It often happens – just out of blue –

That a friend is ignoring you,

Even if you run into him nose to nose.

Multiple sclerosis? Dementia? Who knows…

15

None of my business.

To teach others to live

But today I've made a grimace

I feel full of fierce

16

It was like a movie about Bill. :

He was tried to be shot, but was he shot? - no.

She took revenge all the time on him,

But he didn't even notice her.

17

Alas, who can’t say boo to a goose,

He can't stand for himself.

He is useless in this world

And will always live on credit.

18

Who fears temptation,

Will not be able to escape it.

And who fears all different views,

Is lying at the bottom of oblivion.

19

Who is not faithful to himself,

Will not be faithful to anyone.

He's worried about himself

And ‘cause of that he’s useless.

20

Kicking does not fit a horse,

Who let himself be hobbled.

Don't worry, you're not a parvenu,

While there is a chance to sum it.

21

Charity is a way

To cover unfair deeds,

In the scraps of the king's table

The chatter about it is blissfull

22

There is reasoning, a tool for all,

It's used to carve out the life

There is a stamp oratory that helps

To praise or criticize.

23

It happens often so: a savant

Is hiding ignorance in words.

However, he knows not well the topic,

In circles goes and teases other folks.

24

Sometimes I want to beat

The people who go deep in details.

It is very easy to ruin with details

Even the most entertaining narrative.

25

The one who knows how to orate,

Is able to justify cannibalism.

- Of course, it’s bad to eat those of your kind…

But if there is no food ... and someone's dead?..

26

He seemed to be the smartest of us,

To make some change in his life.

He drank his wine, played solitaire.

And talked about the enemies of the Motherland.

27

Who knows not much, is weaving plots

Without blushing he lies and swears.

He is not in a rush to pore over clever books' plots

But in a rush to talk about piles of nonsense trash.

28

Why do we gather the gossip of others?

They are so annoying.

Bury the gossips inside of yourself,

Don’t let them go further.

29

If you crave for understanding,

Don't talk too much.

And to attract attention,

Make it simple, as such.

30

Are you saying you're smarter?

I do not understand then:

You're wiser, but he is more important,

And richer, and more famous…

31

We think the future is marvelous,

This way we cheer up ourselves.

But out of all these idle thoughts

We won’t build up reality.

32

Our souls are flying in the clouds,

We dispute about future,

Though present is in our hands —

But of it we are drunk producers.

33

No one seeks change,

But everyone is waiting for it to come

And suddenly, on seeing a new roll,

They prefer to stay in the old one.

34

I looked like Lenin-Jew,

I was ordered to remove the beard.

Well, my friends, I'll shave the beard,

But with my mind what shall I do?..

35

When people are on the verge of disaster,

There always appears such an idiot,

Who will float down the Volga

And push a poor Princess overboard

36

Great person is the one

Who lives entire life

Playing one and only role

And in this role who dies.

37

Great is seen great by all others,

But not by himself and his servants.

He’s poisoned his life,

And the servants have cursed him in absence.

38

Gulliver was great to the Lilliputians.

For the giants, Gulliver was a Lilliputian.

And so we, my friend, we're cool while here,

And somewhere else we’re nothing.

39

His greatness that used to amaze me,

Seems so usual today.

He's made of the same shit as I am,

And his teeth seem to be begging for dint.

40

You are a master of depths of the ocean,

And the heights of the sky. I believe you.

But beware of the battles on firm land

Many soldiers have died onshore.

41

To do great things

One has to relieve his passions.

And to create great things

He has to raise them up.

42

There is no argument in mindless faith,

But it is caalled illusion.

When in last moment you exclaim:

 "And you too, Brutus?»

43

I tend to believe in those people,

In whom I see a part of myself

Otherwise it is riskful.

Because those people I start to disdain.

44

If there is no faith in something,

It doesn't prove it's absent

Actually, there is another measure,

Another approach and light.

45

Do not believe believers, they

Believe in what they do not see,

They may execute, believing a slander.

Those who doubt will not hurt you.

46

Some people firmly believe in what

They don't know at all.

And often fables-anecdotes

Are taken for the truth.

47

He made crowds believe in what

He never believed himself,

And by crude slander he managed

To shut up all opponents’ mouths.

48

There is no truth, only faith.

It is the illusion of the soul —

Like a deceitful love of hetaera,

Like a high from marijuana.

49

Any of us is ready to believe that something,

Can make us exist forever.

But in the end, with a cross above you

You understand with grief, you’re usual.

50

The same characteristic of each brain

Is to doubt, then cry to gods.

There are not much comparisons,

After all, the thought kills God.

51

Who does not believe in God, denies Him,

Who lives his life in fornication, drinking,

Recalls he God before his death,

To justify the thought of passing.

52

So why is it convenient to believe in God?

There is on whom to write off our misfortunes.

Though not all, albeit partly,

So that no one can find the forgery.

53

Take people away-there will be no God.

Dogs and cows do not need gods,

They can't invent:

As given by nature they live.

54

You may keep in your head your unbelief and your devils,

You may be the smartest or an idiot,

But when your mind is about to die,

It finds nothing but God.

55

Oh man! He can't create amoebae,

But he can sculpt hundreds of gods.

Each God will reward or not,

And each God stinks in his own way.

56

The truth of life is hated

By those who're down with God

They don't seize lying, obstinate

And believe in every rot.

57

God, tell us, please,

Why would you, like a buffoon

Appear in front of us with various masks

And different colors?

58

Since we are all created by God,

The equal dignity we should possess.

In fact, we seem to be the kids of hell,

One eat their crackers, while others — cakes.

59

God doesn’t exists, because

He is forced to be believed.

Having believed, you slam into the darkness,

Not seeing your mental loss.

60

Sorry the old girl her last song and ecstasy

And a lover (a much younger playboy) bestially

Rips off her dress,

And her legs fall down on a dirty mattress.

61

Years are flying really fast,

And one of your features has long been known:

You're only smart alone,

With friends you’re a fool and unabashed.

62

At thirty you still play a fool,

At fifty you are a moron.

Next ten years you try to live on.

And that is it. Pack your bags and go.

63

Nobody wants to be old,

But life will not ask us.

We’ll die, even though we will moan,

In the end, the grave will embrace us.

64

The old man is busy about the future,

Grumbles about his thing not to be heard.

The young man speaks about the past

And all the time his ‘man’ plays crucial.

65       

Someone has a whole life ahead,

Someone has all that in the past.

In someone's chest heart’s beating fast,

And someone has cooled down his head.

66

Unshaven faces stand for romanticism and youth,

Mustaches - bravado, bravery of past,

Beards show solidity, staidness.

I'm shaven. What do I look like?

67

After a long life, and reflection

You will understand the benefits of mutual concession,

And mountains of opinions is nothing,

Life is short, you will conceive it.

68

You’ve noticed with bitterness that you’ve lost a penny,

You should have noticed that your life is shorter,

You’ve lost your dream, forgot what you wanted to be.

Your youth has left you. Can,t you see?

69

Some still feel young, when they are old.

Those who feel old by mind while young,

Won’t see their grey-haired age,

‘Cause they’ll be dead at war.

70

The difficulty is not to do task once,

But to put it in the system.

So that it becomes a custom:

Always, everywhere! To heart.

71

When you are left, you’re sad.

Step back for a while and think,

This is an art –

To overcome emotions.

72

To show your will,

You go through complications.

Temptation is to give it up

It’s easier to lie down and relax

73

The one who simply drank himself through life adventurely

Is not a genius at all

The geniuses seem to be those all,

Who managed to live through a century.

74

Those who are counterpart are rational thinkers.

They this way win the right

To be outcastes

And to create for their own pleasure

75

It seems to be a special honour

To die for happiness of someone else,

As a mad, in a moment of passion

In a tragic scene, that does make sense.

76

He gave his life not for the country,

He gave it to become a hero.

And here he is in bronze, on podium,

I wish he could see himself as hero.

77

A hero is a buddy that knows everything

That's why he had his head cut off.

And the one who knows and forgets everything,

Is still alive and is well-off

78

A fool is a special fool,

When he tries to seem smarter.

His short mind is to ‘broadcast’

Like  radio charter.

79

My advice to fools – to stay among the fools

This way they may seem smarter.

Otherwise they will have troubles –

It's hard to introduce yourself among the rust that’s upper.

80

Freedom is good for the clever,

The morons won't ever appreciate it.

For they are of a different level

It's better for them not to have it.

81

What's the purpose of a chicken egg?

Not to be eaten for breakfast.

So the behavior of a blockhead

Is not a reason to see a psychiatrist.

82

What is the common fearture of a fool?

Confidence in his own stance,

His important-looking snoot

And denial of any doubts.

83

Praise for what he didn't do

Is pleasant for a fool.

He makes his face look relevant

Because it's all he can invent.

84

It's a pity that it is difficult to weigh stupidity,

The fattest one would be a chum

And for his mental narrowness

I would give him a jar of jam.

85

I see who's wrong, I made mistakes too.

You made mistakes too, everyone  did.

And who hasn't, is lying

In drinking he wants to succeed

86

Sometimes elaborated torpor

Is far much more than the evil.

It isn’t simple myopia — ,

It is a knife sticking out of stomach.

87

The more grief you keep in your heart,

The less tears fall down your eyes.

The rub is that you might get grey.

Or a heart attack.

88

Don't tear your hair out of your head because of panic,

Your baldness won't ease your pain.

You'll only pander to the rumors,

And the troubles have the fade-away-magic.

89

"He is my creation, and  if I'll need

I'll turn him into ashes".

By saying this we show indeed -

Instead of heart inside of us there's nothing.

90

I am noone striving for the power,

And everyone who's trying to assist me,

Is just anothe foolish man, like me –

We try to please our minds, which are narrow.

91

And every noble Lord

Still serves to someone.

So this way we conclude,

That every clergyman is just a simple dude.

92

Who thinks he owns a world,

Has everything out of control.

And sometimes in a private flat

He can't make his own dick hard.

93

We sacrifice ourselves as mad

To achieve dominance.

And struggling up in the rat race.

We don't see that we're horrid.

94

Everyone is looking for his own way

To gain absolution.

One gives a penny to a poor

For having necked hundreds of men.

95

The nature is sometimes mistaken for rudeness,

Sometimes it is so difficult to define,

As well as tandnacity and stubbornness,

As well as what's smart, and what's asinine