Alexander Komissar
About the author
Alexander Komissar was
born in the village of Yantarny, Kaliningrad region. He studied in the city of
Armavir, Krasnodar Krai. He served in the Strategic Missile Forces. He
graduated from the philological department of the Armavir pedagogical
Institute. Worked at a school for juvenile delinquents. During reformation
period (known as perestroika) he became an entrepreneur. He writes poems and
songs. In the Internet he is known as the author-performer of the Russian
chanson. He is the author of the albums "Moscow-Adler", "And the
Commissioner is
already taking off the belt", "Insure yourself" and "When
betrayed".
ALEXANDER KOMISSAR
KOMISSARIKI
Alexander Komissarov: poems, 2017
Ed Pobuzhansky, preface, 2017
OBRAZ: design, 2017
К 63 Komissar Alexander
Komissariki / Poetic
aphorisms. — М.: Publishing
house «OBRAZ», 2017. —
160 с. — (Series «Inspiration»).
UDC 821.161.1-1
BBK 84(2Рос=Рус)6-5
К 63
ISBN 978-5-9909134-3-1
UDC 821.161.1-1
BBK 84(2Рос=Рус)6-5
ISBN 978-5-9909134-3-1
21+
EVERYDAY «KOMISSARIKI»
«Komissariki» is an aphorisms book of
Alexpander Komissar. Bright, laconic and aphoristic komissariki will be just
what is needed for a warm tost in a company of close friends, as well as for a
greeting card or a funny motifake.
According to Federal Law (29.12.2000 № 436-FL). Some of the pieces of
the collected book contain obscene language. The punctuation of the original
has been retained.
The author’s opinion may not always coincide
with the viewpoint of the publishing house. All rights reserved.
The author and performer of Russian chanson Alexander Komissar has
issued an unusual book. Under one cover was collected about six hundred short
poems-quatrains, called "komissariki".
Of course, we immediately recall the famous
"gariki" by Igor Huberman, who is considered to be the founder of a
special genre of satirical miniatures. However, both "gariki" and
"komissariki" have common — though far — literary relatives. For
example, the great Rubaiyat by Omar Khayyam, real pearls of the Arab-Persian
medieval poetry. Or much more close and understandable to us Russian folk
chastushki. Or, say, pop satirical couplets (remember the musical duet of
Tarapunka and Shtepsel, which were very popular in the Soviet Union?). I am
sure that the best miniatures of Alexander Komissar are not inferior to the
classic "gariks" in any way neither by the power of the artistic
word, nor by the aphoristic expression. Look, for example, at this sparkling
“komissarik”:
Wealth will not help
you get rid of the hassle,
But will make your
life somehow more pleasant:
Yesterday you were
looking for a penny for soda,
Today’s pain is
choosing a tuning for Toyota.
Snarky, witty and
perky "komissariki" cover the most important life issues. Life and
death, good and evil, truth and lies, virtue and vice, love and hatred, valour
and cowardice, nobility and meanness.
The satirical poet boldly pushes the
boundaries of what is allowed, using all the colors from the rich palette of
his mother tongue. Of course, the ironic poems of Alexander Komissar should not
be taken as categorical philosophical wisdom. Moreover, some of the
"komissariki" may seem somewhat superficial, controversial, they can
cause the reader a keen desire to object to the author. That's normal. The
author of " komissariki "makes no claims, he simply shares with
readers his unassuming thoughts "on the subject of". And there are
plenty of objects —our daily life is rich in them.
Hero is not who
orates,
But hero is, who plays
cards well
Who identifies scale
and understands -
It’s ridiculous to
beat flies with howitzers.
It is hoped that this
book will find its grateful readers who will quote it here and there. Bright,
laconic and aphoristic komissariki will be just what is needed for a warm tost
in a company of close friends, as well as for a greeting card or a funny
motifake. What is more, you can tell fortunes by the book. Give it a try. Make
up with any number (up to 585) and read the poem under this number ... Well,
how was it?.. Alexander Komissar hits the target.
Ed Pobuzhansky, poet,
editor-in-chief of the
publishing house Obraz
1.
If someone purses his
mouth,
Poke him in the belly.
In a blink of an eye he will smile,
And pride will fade away.
2
Anyone who reached the
top not by himself
Will stumble and slip down.
My friend, with the help of other men’s deeds
There’s no way to lope the sky.
3
No, I don’t want
anything,
Only people to see me
as unique.
What am I doing in
this shit?
And till my death I’m
not able to change anything.
4
Where equality is
sought,
The best is being
forgotten.
And where ambitions
are honoured,
Neglections step forward.
5
What drives us? What's
the worst thing about darkness?
What's more dangerous
than sack-trees?
Spiritual pride, pride
of mind,
Pride of success and
glory alined.
6
You think you're at
the beginning of an era.
You're neither in the
beginning of it nor the end.
You’re always in the
middle of nowhere.
With a stupid
interrogation on your pan.
7
No matter how much is
given to a beggar,
He won’t get a bit
richer:
Squanders he or he
will sell it,
Or drink it all with
fritters.
8
The poor are the most
generous people —
They always have
nothing to share,
The burden of not
given back debts
Doesn’t cut off their
heads.
9
And has it ever been in world,
That
everyone was satisfied with life?
And surely
breath is always caught,
When
something falls down in the sky.
10
Rejoice in
wealth, a poor man,
Let all
hear the cry of victory!
Since
there are no rich people nearby,
You don't
see your poverty.
11
Wealth
will not help you get rid of the hassle,
But will
make your life somehow more pleasant:
Yesterday
you were looking for a penny for soda,
Today’s
pain is choosing a tuning for Toyota.
12
Everyone
always has an equal start.
Alas, the
finish is also the same.
With the
difference: one’s pocket is fat,
The other
one’s is tattered.
13
If living
in need is so bad,
There is
no need to live in need.
But do not
judge a sucker
With his porridge on
water.
14
It often happens –
just out of blue –
That a friend is
ignoring you,
Even if you run into
him nose to nose.
Multiple sclerosis?
Dementia? Who knows…
15
None of my business.
To teach others to
live
But today I've made a
grimace
I feel full of fierce
16
It was like a movie
about Bill. :
He was tried to be
shot, but was he shot? - no.
She took revenge all
the time on him,
But he didn't even
notice her.
17
Alas, who can’t say
boo to a goose,
He can't stand for
himself.
He is useless in this
world
And will always live
on credit.
18
Who fears temptation,
Will not be able to
escape it.
And who fears all
different views,
Is lying at the bottom
of oblivion.
19
Who is not faithful to
himself,
Will not be faithful
to anyone.
He's worried about
himself
And ‘cause of that
he’s useless.
20
Kicking does not fit a
horse,
Who let himself be
hobbled.
Don't worry, you're
not a parvenu,
While there is a
chance to sum it.
21
Charity is a way
To cover unfair deeds,
In the scraps of the
king's table
The chatter about it
is blissfull
22
There is reasoning, a
tool for all,
It's used to carve out
the life
There is a stamp
oratory that helps
To praise or
criticize.
23
It happens often so: a
savant
Is hiding ignorance in
words.
However, he knows not
well the topic,
In circles goes and
teases other folks.
24
Sometimes I want to
beat
The people who go deep
in details.
It is very easy to
ruin with details
Even the most
entertaining narrative.
25
The one who knows how
to orate,
Is able to justify
cannibalism.
- Of course, it’s bad
to eat those of your kind…
But if there is no
food ... and someone's dead?..
26
He seemed to be the
smartest of us,
To make some change in
his life.
He drank his wine,
played solitaire.
And talked about the
enemies of the Motherland.
27
Who knows not much, is
weaving plots
Without blushing he
lies and swears.
He is not in a rush to
pore over clever books' plots
But in a rush to talk
about piles of nonsense trash.
28
Why do we gather the
gossip of others?
They are so annoying.
Bury the gossips
inside of yourself,
Don’t let them go
further.
29
If you crave for understanding,
Don't talk too much.
And to attract attention,
Make it simple, as such.
30
Are you saying you're
smarter?
I do not understand
then:
You're wiser, but he
is more important,
And richer, and more
famous…
31
We think the future is
marvelous,
This way we cheer up
ourselves.
But out of all these
idle thoughts
We won’t build up
reality.
32
Our souls are flying
in the clouds,
We dispute about
future,
Though present is in
our hands —
But of it we are drunk
producers.
33
No one seeks change,
But everyone is
waiting for it to come
And suddenly, on
seeing a new roll,
They prefer to stay in
the old one.
34
I looked like
Lenin-Jew,
I was ordered to
remove the beard.
Well, my friends, I'll
shave the beard,
But with my mind what
shall I do?..
35
When people are on the
verge of disaster,
There always appears
such an idiot,
Who will float down
the Volga
And push a poor
Princess overboard
36
Great person is the
one
Who lives entire life
Playing one and only
role
And in this role who
dies.
37
Great is seen great by
all others,
But not by himself and
his servants.
He’s poisoned his
life,
And the servants have
cursed him in absence.
38
Gulliver was great to
the Lilliputians.
For the giants,
Gulliver was a Lilliputian.
And so we, my friend,
we're cool while here,
And somewhere else
we’re nothing.
39
His
greatness that used to amaze me,
Seems so
usual today.
He's made
of the same shit as I am,
And his
teeth seem to be begging for dint.
40
You are a
master of depths of the ocean,
And the
heights of the sky. I believe you.
But beware
of the battles on firm land
Many
soldiers have died onshore.
41
To do great things
One has to
relieve his passions.
And to
create great things
He has to
raise them up.
42
There is
no argument in mindless faith,
But it is caalled
illusion.
When in
last moment you exclaim:
"And you too, Brutus?»
43
I tend to believe in
those people,
In whom I see a part
of myself
Otherwise it is
riskful.
Because those people I
start to disdain.
44
If there
is no faith in something,
It doesn't
prove it's absent
Actually,
there is another measure,
Another
approach and light.
45
Do not believe
believers, they
Believe in what they
do not see,
They may execute,
believing a slander.
Those who doubt will
not hurt you.
46
Some people firmly believe
in what
They don't know at
all.
And often
fables-anecdotes
Are taken for the
truth.
47
He made crowds believe
in what
He never believed
himself,
And by crude slander
he managed
To shut up all
opponents’ mouths.
48
There is no truth,
only faith.
It is the illusion of
the soul —
Like a deceitful love
of hetaera,
Like a high from
marijuana.
49
Any of us is ready to
believe that something,
Can make us exist
forever.
But in the end, with a
cross above you
You understand with
grief, you’re usual.
50
The same
characteristic of each brain
Is to doubt, then cry
to gods.
There are not much
comparisons,
After all, the thought
kills God.
51
Who does not believe
in God, denies Him,
Who lives his life in
fornication, drinking,
Recalls he God before
his death,
To justify the thought
of passing.
52
So why is it
convenient to believe in God?
There is on whom to
write off our misfortunes.
Though not all, albeit
partly,
So that no one can
find the forgery.
53
Take people away-there
will be no God.
Dogs and cows do not
need gods,
They can't invent:
As given by nature
they live.
54
You may keep in your
head your unbelief and your devils,
You may be the
smartest or an idiot,
But when your mind is
about to die,
It finds nothing but
God.
55
Oh man! He can't
create amoebae,
But he can sculpt
hundreds of gods.
Each God will reward
or not,
And each God stinks in
his own way.
56
The truth of life is
hated
By those who're down
with God
They don't seize
lying, obstinate
And believe in every
rot.
57
God, tell us, please,
Why would you, like a
buffoon
Appear in front of us
with various masks
And different colors?
58
Since we are all
created by God,
The equal dignity we
should possess.
In fact, we seem to be
the kids of hell,
One eat their
crackers, while others — cakes.
59
God doesn’t exists,
because
He is forced to be
believed.
Having believed, you
slam into the darkness,
Not seeing your mental
loss.
60
Sorry the old girl her
last song and ecstasy
And a lover (a much
younger playboy) bestially
Rips off her dress,
And her legs fall down
on a dirty mattress.
61
Years are flying
really fast,
And one of your
features has long been known:
You're only smart
alone,
With friends you’re a
fool and unabashed.
62
At thirty you still
play a fool,
At fifty you are a
moron.
Next ten years you try
to live on.
And that is it. Pack
your bags and go.
63
Nobody wants to be
old,
But life will not ask
us.
We’ll die, even though
we will moan,
In the end, the grave
will embrace us.
64
The old man is busy
about the future,
Grumbles about his
thing not to be heard.
The young man speaks
about the past
And all the time his
‘man’ plays crucial.
65
Someone has a whole
life ahead,
Someone has all that
in the past.
In someone's chest
heart’s beating fast,
And someone has cooled
down his head.
66
Unshaven faces stand
for romanticism and youth,
Mustaches - bravado,
bravery of past,
Beards show solidity,
staidness.
I'm shaven. What do I
look like?
67
After a long life, and
reflection
You will understand
the benefits of mutual concession,
And mountains of
opinions is nothing,
Life is short, you
will conceive it.
68
You’ve noticed with
bitterness that you’ve lost a penny,
You should have
noticed that your life is shorter,
You’ve lost your dream,
forgot what you wanted to be.
Your youth has left
you. Can,t you see?
69
Some still feel young,
when they are old.
Those who feel old by
mind while young,
Won’t see their
grey-haired age,
‘Cause they’ll be dead
at war.
70
The difficulty is not
to do task once,
But to put it in the
system.
So that it becomes a
custom:
Always, everywhere! To
heart.
71
When you are left,
you’re sad.
Step back for a while
and think,
This is an art –
To overcome emotions.
72
To show your will,
You go through
complications.
Temptation is to give
it up
It’s easier to lie
down and relax
73
The one who simply
drank himself through life adventurely
Is not a genius at all
The geniuses seem to
be those all,
Who managed to live
through a century.
74
Those who are
counterpart are rational thinkers.
They this way win the
right
To be outcastes
And to create for
their own pleasure
75
It seems to be a
special honour
To die for happiness
of someone else,
As a mad, in a moment
of passion
In a tragic scene,
that does make sense.
76
He gave his life not
for the country,
He gave it to become a
hero.
And here he is in
bronze, on podium,
I wish he could see
himself as hero.
77
A hero is a buddy that
knows everything
That's why he had his
head cut off.
And the one who knows
and forgets everything,
Is still alive and is
well-off
78
A fool is a special
fool,
When he tries to seem
smarter.
His short mind is to
‘broadcast’
Like radio charter.
79
My advice to fools –
to stay among the fools
This way they may seem
smarter.
Otherwise they will
have troubles –
It's hard to introduce
yourself among the rust that’s upper.
80
Freedom is good for
the clever,
The morons won't ever
appreciate it.
For they are of a
different level
It's better for them
not to have it.
81
What's the purpose of
a chicken egg?
Not to be eaten for
breakfast.
So the behavior of a
blockhead
Is not a reason to see
a psychiatrist.
82
What is the common
fearture of a fool?
Confidence in his own
stance,
His important-looking
snoot
And denial of any
doubts.
83
Praise for what he
didn't do
Is pleasant for a
fool.
He makes his face look
relevant
Because it's all he
can invent.
84
It's a pity that it is
difficult to weigh stupidity,
The fattest one would
be a chum
And for his mental
narrowness
I would give him a jar
of jam.
85
I see who's wrong, I
made mistakes too.
You made mistakes too,
everyone did.
And who hasn't, is
lying
In drinking he wants
to succeed
86
Sometimes elaborated
torpor
Is far much more than
the evil.
It isn’t simple myopia
— ,
It is a knife sticking
out of stomach.
87
The more grief you
keep in your heart,
The less tears fall
down your eyes.
The rub is that you
might get grey.
Or a heart attack.
88
Don't tear your hair
out of your head because of panic,
Your baldness won't
ease your pain.
You'll only pander to
the rumors,
And the troubles have
the fade-away-magic.
89
"He is my
creation, and if I'll need
I'll turn him into
ashes".
By saying this we show
indeed -
Instead of heart
inside of us there's nothing.
90
I am noone striving
for the power,
And everyone who's
trying to assist me,
Is just anothe foolish
man, like me –
We try to please our
minds, which are narrow.
91
And every noble Lord
Still serves to
someone.
So this way we
conclude,
That every clergyman
is just a simple dude.
92
Who thinks he owns a
world,
Has everything out of
control.
And sometimes in a
private flat
He can't make his own
dick hard.
93
We sacrifice ourselves
as mad
To achieve dominance.
And struggling up in
the rat race.
We don't see that
we're horrid.
94
Everyone is looking
for his own way
To gain absolution.
One gives a penny to a
poor
For having necked
hundreds of men.
95
The nature is
sometimes mistaken for rudeness,
Sometimes it is so
difficult to define,
As well as tandnacity
and stubbornness,
As well as what's
smart, and what's asinine